


through all the years

by mumblingmaria



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-02-19 22:32:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13133583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mumblingmaria/pseuds/mumblingmaria
Summary: A decade is a long time to know someone. By the end of it, it would be easy to assume these two have been perfectly in sync with each other, never missing a beat. But that's not how relationships work. Kanan and Hera worked at theirs, bumps and stops and leaps forward all included. Though all the years it took to get to now, they worked and loved and hoped for even more years to come.





	through all the years

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally going to be a short little thing where I sort of explored how Hera uses pet names with Kanan. It was going to be five small parts and that was that. I planned it out and everything. But then I never wrote it and this document was just sitting on my computer untouched for months and months and months. Finally I decided to revisit it and I realized the problem was that there wasn't really a story. Things were missing. So I added a couple scenes and then some more and then I realized that it was a completely different story. And a better one. 
> 
> Now it's a look at select moments of Kanan and Hera's journey together from shortly after Gorse to the season 3 finale. I'm really happy with how it has turned out. It challenged me in what I would write (I told myself and friends I would never write Kanan's POV in the six months post-Malachor) and how to go about writing those challenges. I think this story has helped me as a writer. We'll see what the next story I write gets from this one.
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it. I put a lot of love into it. And a lot of words. I'm so sorry about this word count. It was originally going to be 2-3k. What happened? What happened is that I have no self control and apparently can't write under 3k anymore.
> 
> Also, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

 

┉

Kanan scooted his way out from under the console. He smiled up at Hera, who was looming over him. Watching every single one of his moves. Making sure he didn’t mess up her ship in any way. “I got the screw loose. I’m impressed, it was in there pretty tight,” he said, sitting up.

She nodded. He handed back the hydrospanner. And that was that.

He had been called into the cockpit when Hera found she couldn’t get a screw out of a panel. She must have been pretty desperate to get these repairs done because in the month Kanan had been on the ship Hera hadn’t allowed him to do any work at all in the cockpit. She didn’t trust him yet, not with her baby. Not that it bothered him. He was fine doing the basic labour around the ship, he was never that thrilled by wiring.

“Anything else you need me to unscrew for you, sweetheart?” he asked while standing up. She raised an eyebrow at him before making her way back to the floor. She shimmied under the console and Kanan sat in the co-pilot’s seat, a seat he was starting to get comfortable in. A smirk unseen by Hera spread across his face. “Or screw in for you?”

“Nothing that I can think of,” she answered. Her response was flat; bearing no sign of acknowledgment to the innuendo he’d offered her.

So Kanan settled in and watched Hera get to work. Watching her work was starting to become a favourite pastime of Kanan’s. It wasn’t just about getting to look at her, which he would gladly do all day. It was about her dedication. Her drive. It brought him on her ship and it kept him here everyday.

He was here for her.

Just her. Not her mission. She had yet to convince him that what she was fighting for was worth it. Sure, Kanan obviously held no love for the Empire but nothing Hera had said so far was enough to get him to actively fight. He had fought against the bad guys before and lost everything. Now that he had nothing to lose he realized what a waste that fighting had been.

Kanan was very confident that he would never be brought into her war. He didn’t even see himself sticking around that long as it was.

But he was going to enjoy himself while he could. Her company was enough for him.

“Hey, want to make yourself useful if you’re just sitting there?” She interrupted his thoughts, tapping against his foot with hers. “Pass me tools.”

“What do you need?” Kanan asked, reaching down to the toolbox. He caught Hera lifting her head and revealing her lip caught between her teeth while she thought on an answer. He breathed in, enjoy the picture she was presenting, imagining a fair few scenarios where those teeth were caught on a different pair of lips.

“I think I just need a different bit right now, hand me the box,” she said and put out her hand.

After quickly grabbing it and placing the box of bits in her hand, Kanan brought his face down under the console with his hand resting on top. “Anything else?” He offered her a smile that had earned him a good number of drinks and a few beds to stay in.

“Kanan…”

“What? I just want to know what you need from me,” he replied. He leaned in towards her. “Anything at all, sweetheart.”

The next thing he knew the box of bits for the hydrospanner was pushing on his nose. He ducked out from the console, just avoiding colliding his head with it. He laughed lightly as he moved. Pushing her buttons was fun; he had to admit, though he hadn’t figured out how far he could push yet. He didn’t want to ruin what they had going by getting kicked off her ship.

“I’ve changed my mind. Push the tools over here and go find work elsewhere,” Hera ordered. Her voice was light still but Kanan knew better than to disobey. He nudged the tool kit within her reach with his foot before making his way to the door.

“Whatever you need, sweet—”

“And stop calling me ‘sweetheart’.”

“Whatever you need, _Hera._ ”

┉

“I don’t see what the problem is!” Hera snapped. Kanan crossed his arms. He was standing in the hatchway to the cockpit and was fairly confident he was shaking. “You’re the one who asked to help me with my work. This is what I have for you!”

He opened his mouth to answer but no words came to him. He tried again before pressing his lips together tightly. They stared at each other, Kanan trying to find something to throw back at her. Anything at all. Half a year of travelling together had led Kanan to believing that they had finally gotten to know each other. But maybe he had pegged Hera all wrong. Or, had chosen to peg her wrong.

“I thought you’d want me to be muscle or something. Not this,” he finally pushed out. His arms were crossed. The hand on his bicep was squeezing the muscle there, trying to ground him through the anger rising in him more quickly than he could manage. _You had techniques for this…_

“How is this different? I’m asking you to do something that you’re good at for the mission,” Hera said. Her hands were on her hips, a pose Kanan realized she took often when asserting her authority, and her chin jutting out.

“That I’m good at?” The words fell from his mouth, a higher pitch than either had ever heard from him in all the months together. The anger was gone and hurt moved in. Hurt. Guilt. Longing. Loneliness.

But she was right. This was what he was good at. Drinking and lounging in shady cantinas. It was what he did before he met her and would still be doing without her. Kanan had been a shadow of a person when they had met. Now he knew that he still was to Hera.

“Fine. What’s the name of this place?” he asked. Hera blinked before giving him the name. “I’ll be back in a few hours. Unless I find someone with an open bed or an unlimited flow of alcohol, right?”

He turned on his heel and made his way down the corridor. A half step behind him was Hera.

“What does that mean?”

“Nothing at all, sweetheart,” Kanan said with a shrug. The pet name had attached itself to his answer without thought. He hadn’t called her that in months but right now he didn’t care. She had hurt him and it only seemed fair to at least annoy her in retaliation.

“Don’t call me—”

“Sweetheart, right.” He twisted back to her and saluted as he reached the ladder to the _Phantom_. “Sorry, _Captain Hera_ , I didn’t mean to make this relationship personal at all. Strictly business, you just need me for my skills. I get it. I’ll be back before you know it.”

He climbed up to the shuttle, leaving his partner and only friend.

In the end, the mission was a success. Kanan had arrived at the cantina, feigned being the drunk he used to be, flirted and chatted, and got the intel Hera needed him to get. He docked the _Phantom_ and made his way down into the ship he thought he could start calling home. He wasn’t going to leave, no matter how tempting an offer he may have been given that night, but he was starting to question just what he was doing here.

Once his feet touched the metal floor of the _Ghost_ , he heard a shuffling noise behind him. Turning, Kanan found Hera sitting on the dejarik table, wringing her hands together.

“Kanan,” she started. Her voice was… different. It didn’t hold the authority she seemed to make sure was there when talking to him. It didn’t even have the ease it could hold on late evenings they’d fall into the routines of playing chess or fixing the ship together or just sitting in each other’s company. It was nervous.

“Look, I overreacted, Hera,” Kanan said before she could continue. “I sort of figured you were just taking advantage of me, of who I used to be. Or just assumed I was still that person. I know you plan things out and that you have your reasons, you wouldn’t ask me to do something like that for nothing. I shouldn’t have snapped like I had.”

He didn’t want to talk anymore, at least not right now. He wanted to go to bed and forget that this argument, or whatever it was, had happened. Later they could figure out where he belonged on the ship. But right now Kanan didn’t even want to look at Hera.

“I got your intel. So, let’s just put this behind us.” He held out his datapad to her. But she didn’t get up. “Hera?”

“You’re right, though,” she said. She wasn’t looking at him anymore. “I was doing that. I didn’t realize it until you left but I was just assuming you were still that guy I met on Gorse, ready to brawl and drink and run off again. I think I was testing you.”

Hera then stood up, closing the distance between them. Kanan lowered his hand as she moved closer and swallowed. His throat was dry. And he was starting to wish that he had had something to drink back at the cantina.

“I wanted to be sure you meant it when you said you wanted to help me. So, I gave you this. I assumed you were just going to get drunk again or disappear. I didn’t realize that… that you are actually here. I didn’t let myself see that you are committed. Committed to this,” Hera explained. She still wasn’t meeting his gaze yet, though she’d glance up at his face when she had moved to him. She was rigid in her stance, though he knew he was as well. They stood in front of the other, tense and cautious. Neither sure of who was going to make the next move.

And suddenly, all the hurt Kanan had been feeling washed away. He reached up and slowly cupped the side of her shoulder. Hesitating, Hera looked up and their eyes finally met.

“Kanan, I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“We’re both making mistakes still. This... this is still really new. I haven’t been in one place this long since before I want to remember. I don’t remember how to live this like. I am trying, though. I am going to stay,” Kanan said. Hera nodded, a smile just forming on her face. “I’m here.”

They stood there, together. His hand on her shoulder. Eyes locked together. Kanan felt his heart twist inside him, a feeling that was new but familiar building up. A feeling he couldn’t name anymore. Something on Hera’s face led him to believe she might be feeling it too.

“I like ‘Captain Hera’ more than ‘sweetheart’, just so you know,” Hera said, stopping the moment before it made its way out into the open.

“What?”

“As pet names go, I could maybe tolerate ‘Captain Hera’ from time to time,” she explained. She took the datapad from him and grinned down at it.

“Is that so?” he asked and chuckled. He dropped his hand and shoved it into his pocket. He looked her up and down, grinning.

“It shows you still know who’s in charge,” Hera said. She reached up and flicked his chin. Kanan stayed still as she looked his face over, both of them smiling. “Because I am still in charge.”

“Yes, Captain.”

┉

He wasn’t sure when he realized that he was happy.

Not happy everyday. No, Kanan still had days that felt like the galaxy was weighing down on him. Intent on his destruction. There were days he’d wake up sweating, not quite sure where he was until Chopper or Hera would move past his cabin. There were days that seemed pointless, that despite his best efforts he was never going to have his life back. So why bother? Those were the days Kanan dreaded the most because that’s when Hera and Chopper came under fire.

But those days were growing less and less frequent. Kanan’s past was always going to be behind him but he was now given a future to walk towards. A future Hera had laid out for him.

He didn’t know if there had been a day where he woke up knowing. If it had been sudden or gradual; adding up over days and weeks. Whichever it was, Kanan woke up with a desire to live. To actually live, not just survive.

He _was_ happy.

Kanan leaned back in his seat and rested his head against the bulkhead. The galley was empty right now. There was a half eaten plate of food in front of him. Hera was busy running maintenance checks and Chopper, for once, had decided to not bother Kanan despite there being nothing else to do. Maybe he was growing tired of that game a year and a half in. Or, maybe today was just not a day Chopper felt like being a pest.

Closing his eyes, Kanan thought about just how much had changed. He had been living with Hera on the _Ghost_ for longer than Kanan had ever stayed with anyone. Not since the Jedi Temple. It was a realization that washed over him constantly, leaving him in a state of fear and joy. He knew that with every day he stayed made him easier to track down but to have a place to call home, Kanan didn’t think he could lose that. Not again.

Having a home was something he never thought would happen to him. Every time he had considered it something would have ripped it from him. But this time it was sticking. Hera was still here, still alive. He never felt like he had to go in order to protect her and Chopper from the certain doom that followed him. Hera, the _Ghost_ , this way of life made him feel safe. He owed her everything.

“Here you are,” Hera said. Kanan opened his eyes and smiled. Hera was leaning into the galley, a smile on her face as well. “Is there any food left? I’m starving.”

“There’s a plate on the counter,” Kanan replied, gesturing in the food’s direction.

He watched her move through the galley and settle in across from him. She gave him compliments for the food he had made and then focused on eating. His smile grew.

Things were easy now. Kanan remembered the first few, many, months where they had to learn who the other person was. Two strangers suddenly thrown into the other one’s life. Nowhere to hide from the other. He had been intolerable. And yet, Hera had tolerated him. She had seen something in him and fought to bring that forward.

She had seen the Jedi he might have been.

What else had she seen? What did she know? What did she need to know?

Hera didn’t know for sure that he had been a Jedi. Kanan hadn’t told her anything about who he had been. And she had never asked. Things had been easier that way. They just lived their lives together and learned to accept who the other one was in this moment, not the previous ones.

But Kanan hadn’t accepted he who was yet, or who he had been. He wanted to be ‘Just Kanan’ with Hera. He didn’t want to open his past up. The wounds were closed but still there. He knew he was going to be carrying his past with him his whole life; he didn’t know how to let go anymore. Not in the way the Jedi had taught him. It was always going to be behind him. He didn’t know if he was ever going to be able to be at peace with what had happened, but maybe it was time to start on that path laid out for him.

“Hey, Hera?” Kanan asked, leaning forward. He rested a hand on the table between them and began to drum his fingers against the flat surface.

“Kanan?”

“You got a minute?” He looked her over, trying to keep the easy smile on his face. And she saw through it immediately. Hera set her fork down and eyed him.

“Sure.”

“There’s some stuff about me I think you should know.”

┉

Tapping the side of his leg, Kanan listened to Hera’s plan with a deep frown etched into his face. If Hera, Chopper, or Zeb was aware of how he looked, they paid him no mind. The four of them were in the common area, scattered throughout the room. Kanan was leaning against the ladder to the _Phantom_ while Zeb was in the large wooden chair next to couch that Hera was on. Chopper was at the table projecting a map for the group to see.

“It’s just recon. My contact wants us to gather up as much information as we can about this weapons facility,” Hera said, gesturing to the map in front of her. It was a basic Imperial facility, nothing different from the handful they had infiltrated before.

At least, it shouldn’t have been anything different.

Kanan’s frown deepened while Hera explained where they would get in, where they should each hide, how long they’d be there, and how to get out. They all knew what they were going to be looking for. It really was _just_ a recon mission.

“Kanan? Are you listening?” Hera asked, leaning through the projection.

“Yeah.”

He watched her look him over skeptically and then continued talking. “We’re just trying to find out what’s being made here and how much is being made. My contact heard that there might be prototypes for new rifles for the stormtroopers. We have to find out if that’s intel is true or not,” she explained.

“Seems easy enough,” Zeb said. He stood up and gave the map a final look over. “And you’re sure this contact is good to their word?”

“They are. Fulcrum hasn’t led me into a trap yet,” Hera answered. She glanced at Kanan before smiling up to Zeb. “I have no reason to believe they would now.”

“I don’t like this,” Kanan interjected. The three others looked over at him.

“What don’t you like?” Hera asked. She moved up from her seat and walked half the distance towards him. Not the whole way.

They knew each other well now. After two years of living together that was bound to happen. They knew how close to get to each other, when to pull back. They knew the other’s ticks. They knew how to make the other one smile. But their relationship had shifted and they both felt unsteadiness in their steps together again. Their first kiss hadn’t put it there, but maybe it had been the second or third. They had to navigate this development while still fighting the Empire.

So she didn’t move all the way over to him. Something about boundaries.

“All of it,” he said. Kanan looked around the room and sighed. “Something about this mission just seems off.”

“My intel is safe, Kanan. You can trust it.”

Kanan let out a single laugh and raised an eyebrow. “Hera, we don’t even know who you get your intel from.”

Hera’s mouth set in her own frown and crossed her arms. He knew she wouldn’t respond to that, she had already explained a countless number of times why she wouldn’t tell them who the mysterious Fulcrum was. And, when Kanan was being honest, he didn’t mind. But something about this job left him off balance.

“Look, I just have a bad feeling about this one,” Kanan said.

“It’s just a recon job, Kanan,” Zeb said with a shrug. “We could do this in our sleep. You’re probably just tired.”

Kanan tapped his leg again before crossing his arms. He cast his gaze down. The feeling was not going away.

“Wait, is this a… _Jedi_ feeling?” Zeb asked, standing up straight.

Shaking his head, Kanan sighed. He rubbed his eyes to give himself a second to think of a response and not just snap at Zeb to shut him down. “I don’t know. It’s just a feeling.” He pushed himself off of the ladder and started for the hatchway. “It’s probably nothing.”

When he started to pass Hera, she grabbed his arm and stopped him. Kanan turned back to her to find a firm yet understanding face. He made to pull away but hesitated. Her grip tightened slightly as she looked up at him

And then she said, “We all get bad feelings, love. We can’t let those stop us. We have to keep fighting.”

It took Kanan a few moments to hear all of what she had said. He had gotten stuck on a single word. _Love_. She had never called him that before. They had never said they loved each other, though Kanan knew how he felt. In one single word, Hera had added to the new territory they were trekking.

“Kanan?”

“Hm?” he let out, bringing his attention back to her. He felt a small smile on his face start to grow.

“You can do this, right? You’ll be able to do the mission?” she asked. “If you need to stay behind…”

“No,” Kanan answered, shaking his head. “I want to be there.”

She nodded and squeezed his arm one more time before letting him go. “Okay.”

The mission had… not gone well. They had discovered that the facility was not developing any new weapons, which should have been a good thing. But getting caught in the act of spying had put a real damper on their find.

Getting shot had also added to the overall dampening of it.

“Careful,” Kanan groaned when Hera started working on the injury. They were in the common area, though this time it was just the two of them. He was on the table, shirtless, while Hera leaned over him. She was cleaning his side, getting the injury ready for a bacta patch.

“It’s really not that bad,” Hera said, ignoring when he would try to flinch away. “Stop complaining, you’ll be fine in a couple of days, love.”

“You did it again,” Kanan said, reaching for her.

Hera watched his hand brush up the side of her arm before she moved away to grab a bacta patch. “Did what again?”

“Call me ‘love’. You called me that before the mission, too,” he replied casually. His side was aching but having heard Hera call him that for a second time in a day had helped him relax a bit. “I can’t believe that’s the habit you picked up from me.”

“Habit?” she asked once she was back in front of him. Hera gently placed the medicated bandage over his side, her hands smoothing it on.

“Pet names.”

She looked up at him, one brow raised. He grinned back at her before moving to capture her lips. When they broke apart, Hera frowned slightly. “I’m sorry you got hurt, we should have listened to you before the mission, especially since it was a waste of our time,” she said.

“It wasn’t, though. It was important to know either way. And, like you said, I’ll be fine,” Kanan said. He drew his hands up the sides of her arms and then to her face, cupping her cheeks. “I trust the jobs you pick for us, Hera.”

“I know you do,” Hera said. She pressed her lips against his again.

Kanan pulled her in close when the kiss ended, resting his cheek against hers. She let out a sigh as he held her. They were making their way across new ground now and Kanan wasn’t sure where it was going to lead. They were doing it together. He knew that as long as he was by her side, he didn’t care where they ended up.

┉

Kanan knew that no matter how wonderful something was, everything had its time. Everything came to an end. He learned that at a very young age, maybe too young. Losing his master and his life as a Jedi had taught him that much. Whether he had actually learned the lesson of being able to let go of his past was up for debate.

After the life that he had lived he knew that things ended.

He was standing in the galley, watching the caf dispenser takes its time to do the only thing it could do. Kanan had asked the year before if they could finally get a new one. Hera had promptly shot the idea down. She wasn’t going to waste credits on saving a couple minutes when making a cup of caf, and besides she liked how this made said caf. Kanan didn’t care about the taste when he woke up in the early hours of the morning. He just wanted the caf to be ready then and there.

It wasn’t the early morning now but the waiting was still bothering him. Well, maybe it wasn’t the caf maker.

Things on the _Ghost_ were good. Kanan, Hera, and Zeb (and even Chopper) had found ease in their day to day lives. They knew how to live with each other now. Kanan and Hera had slipped into their own kind of ease together. They had grown much closer than Kanan thought he could ever be with someone; he loved her completely. It was a good life. He hated to see it change.

But endings were inevitable. He wasn’t going to fight it, especially when he understood where Hera was coming from.

The caf dispenser started to make its distressed noises as caf poured out into a pot. Kanan tapped the counter and waited. This was the part that always took the longest. He moved to grab a cup for himself and then grabbed a second for Hera. She’d be here shortly.

Finally, when the caf was ready, he poured himself a cup. It wasn’t as strong as he would normally like it but his focus had been off when he made it. He blew on the drink and leaned up against the counter, legs crossed at the ankles. He was a picture of relaxation on the outside.

And then Hera walked in and smiled. He returned the smile and took a sip of his drink.

“Is there enough for me, dear?” she asked, making her way over to him. She leaned up to him and quickly pressed her lips against his; they played their role of lovers perfectly.

“Mhmm, there’s a cup out and everything,” he murmured when she pulled away. Hera eyed him before moving over to the caf dispenser. He watched her pour herself a cup and then lean against the counter. “It’s not strong enough, though.”

“I’ll survive,” Hera replied, flashing a smile at him. She took a small sip and sighed in relief. “It’s pretty good still.”

“It could be better.”

“We’re not getting a new caf maker.”

Kanan lifted his hands in the air in surrender before taking an exaggerated drink from his cup, adding a put on grimace afterward. Hera laughed and made her way over to him. She settled next to him, her shoulder pressing against his arm.

And then she was quiet.

It would be so easy to just stay this way with her. To pretend like he hadn’t figured out why she was acting off all week, at times overly attentive to his wants and needs while other times completely unavailable to him. If he stayed quiet maybe this could be put off for another week, a month. Who knows how long, but it could be delayed.

“Hera…” Kanan said softly. He reached behind her, placing his palm on her back. She looked up at him and he saw all her pain and confusion and regret written across her face. “It’s okay.”

She didn’t say anything, only leaned into him more. He waited. Kanan wasn’t going to push her; he knew how hard this was. He’d been in a similar position enough times before and had never handled it well. And love had never been in the equation.

Finally, Hera sighed. She turned her cup in her hands and before setting it down on the counter on her left. She kept her gaze in that direction as she began to speak, “Sometimes I really hate it that you have the Force, you always know what I want to talk about.”

“That’s not true, I’ve been very off base in the past,” Kanan said, pushing against her. “But I don’t need the Force to know you.”

Hera chuckled. “That was very smooth,” she said, quietly. It came out strained and Kanan watched her body tense up. She tried to pick at the smooth countertop and it sounded like she was trying to control her breathing. “It’s not fair how smooth that was.”

Kanan smiled and rubbed his hand against her back. He then offered, “I can be less smooth. Want me to channel who I was four years ago? Would that help?”

Hera laughed at that. Once she got her laughter under control, she nodded. “That would definitely help.” Then she looked up at Kanan, smiling but he could see the tears starting to form in her eyes.

He had to resist pulling her in close, resist kissing her and telling her not to worry or that she didn’t need to go through with this. That it could wait, or maybe didn’t need to happen at all. She didn’t need him to be a consoling lover right now. She need them to both be strong enough to get through this. Kanan was trying his best. So he left his hand on her back and didn’t close the distance between them.

“This has to end,” Hera said. She took a deep breath in and held it. Perhaps she was choosing her next words or just trying to force what words she already had out, Kanan wasn’t sure. But he waited. “This fight, it’s getting bigger than the two of us and I can’t keep splitting myself between fighting the Empire and being with you. I can’t sit here and worry about when I send you on a mission. It’s not fair to me, to this fight. It’s not fair to you.”

She paused. Turning to face him directly, she wiped away a tear that had escaped and then cupped his cheek. “At least for now,” Hera said. “I don’t know what our future holds but I have hope that we’ll find our way back to this. When the time is right.”

So many things came to an end. Kanan knew this well. However, while this part of his relationship with Hera was over, she wasn’t gone from his life. He was going to wake up in the morning and find her where she always was: their home.

Kanan could remember his Jedi masters saying that all things are a part of the Force, even after death. Maybe he was wrong about everything having an ending. He was pretty confident that he would keep on loving Hera even after he died. He knew he was going to love her up until that day.

“When the time is right,” he repeated. “I can get behind that.”

“Are we okay?” Hera asked. Kanan nodded and finally pulled her in close to him. For a second he thought she pull out his hold, that he crossed some unspoken line now in place, but she surprised him and pushed herself up to ease her lips over his. When they parted, she looked over his face and then, swallowing a little roughly, started, “You know I—”

Pressing his lips against hers one last time and cutting off the words they both knew she wasn't ready to say, he murmured against them, “I know.”

Their cups of caf sat forgotten on the counter. Somewhere on the ship Zeb and Chopper were going about their day, unaware. The _Ghost_  was moving through hyperspace taking them to their next job. There was an untouched lightsaber lying in an ignored drawer. And Kanan moved away from Hera, letting go.

He made his way to leave the galley and to go somewhere else, anywhere else. The hatchway opened in front of him and Kanan risked a glance back. “I’ll wait for you,” he said. His chest tightened as he admitted it, but there were no secrets between the two of them, not after all this time. “I don’t care how long.”

Hera looked him over and nodded. She had to be out of words at that point, he wasn’t going to stick around to push her to say more. He turned to leave and just as he stepped out of the room, and before she was cut off from him, he heard her say, “I’ll be waiting too, love.”

┉

Kanan smiled and grabbed Sabine’s hand, pulling her back onto the _Ghost_. “Welcome back,” he said as the ship closed up behind them. Zeb was calling to Hera letting her know they were ready to head out.

“Good to be back,” Sabine answered, pulling her helmet off. She shook out her wildly coloured hair, a mix of pink and blue illuminating the cargo hold. She grinned up at Kanan before leading the way to the ladder out. “How did you like the explosion?”

“It was stunning, as it always is,” he said, following her up. Zeb trailed behind them.

They parted ways, Sabine and Zeb headed for the common area while Kanan went for cockpit. He leaned in through the hatchway once it opened up. “Do you want some caf?”

Hera looked over her shoulder and nodded. She then turned back to the console, to check the hyperspace calculations or to ensure everything was working smoothly, and seemed to immediately forget that he was there.

Kanan was smiling as he walked into the common area. Zeb was sitting in the wooden chair while Sabine came out of the galley with a cup of something to drink.

“Zeb, I’m making caf. You want a cup?” Kanan asked, passing by Sabine.

Zeb took a moment and then nodded. “That sounds good.”

“Hey, what about me?” Sabine asked. They all felt the jump to lightspeed as she made her complaint. “I did all the hard work, why aren’t you offering to make me caf?”

“Since when have you wanted me to make you caf, Sabine?” Kanan asked. He moved into the galley and began the process. “I have asked before and you said you don’t like my caf. Also, you have a drink already.”

“It’s the principle of the matter.”

Kanan came to the hatchway and raised an eyebrow at her. Hera came in the room, interrupting their focus, and made her way to the table. Sitting on it, she asked, “Is the caf ready yet? And what did you do this time, love?”

“He forgot that I did all the hard work,” Sabine replied. Kanan rolled his eyes and went back into the galley. The caf was starting to drip out. He grabbed three cups as he heard Sabine say, “He’s always making caf for you guys.”

“Start drinking caf and he’ll make it for you, too,” Zeb said.

Kanan re-entered the room, the three cups in hand, and moved over to Zeb. “I’d be happy to make you caf, Sabine.”

Sabine took her turn to roll her eyes. Kanan sent a smile in her direction and went over to Hera. He handed her a cup before sitting next to her on the table. “I’m just saying,” Sabine said, “maybe we could have different post-mission drinks.”

“But you got yourself one already,” Hera pointed out. She leaned forward and her left lekku fell forward, over her shoulder. “You could have gotten drinks for all us. Instead you left us to fend for ourselves, which means caf.” Hera smirked up at Kanan. He smiled into his cup trying to keep from laughing. Sabine kept them on their toes; he and Hera enjoyed having someone around to give them a hard time.

Crossing her arms, Sabine looked at each of the adults in the room and frowned. “You’re doing this on purpose.”

Kanan chuckled. “Uh oh, she’s onto our game.” He looked down at Hera, who was now sitting upright again and sipping her drink. Her left lekku was still in front of her. Gently, he reached over and guided it back behind her.

“Next time we’ll skip the caf, promise,” Hera said. She flashed a smile at Kanan and then looked back at Sabine.

“Could you two please stop dancing around each other in front of us?” Sabine asked. Kanan and Hera glanced at each other. “It’s getting old.”

“Dancing around each other?” Hera asked. She raised a brow.

“Yeah. Zeb and I can see right through it.” Sabine made her way over to the galley as she spoke and left her cup in there. She then walked over to the hatchway out of the room. She shrugged before leaving.

The pair on the table turned to look at Zeb, who raised his hands in defence. “Don’t look at me,” he said. He stood up and followed the path Sabine took to leave. As he left, they heard him say, “But you _could_ get a room.”

“Unbelievable,” Hera muttered. She shifted, moving an inch away despite no one being there to see them anymore. Adjusting to Sabine was taking time; there weren’t only adults on the _Ghost_ anymore. They had to start keeping their casual flirting in check a bit more. Or maybe just Kanan needed to.

But, they were alone _now_.

“That’s not a bad idea,” Kanan said, speaking into the room. She glared up at him and gave him a shove. “What?” he asked, laughing.

“I need to contact Fulcrum,” she said. She took a drink of her caf and placed to cup on the table.

“And we do have a room to ourselves.” The words came out soft, as though he were just thinking out loud. Sometimes Kanan enjoyed seeing how far Hera would let him go. He never tried to go too far, he would never purposely trying to make her uncomfortable. It was just that some days she was more playful than others.

Today was not that playful of a day. Hera shoved him again, this time pushing him clear off the table. Laughing, Kanan quickly got his balance back. Standing upright, he watched Hera make her way to the exit. “Too far?”

“A bit,” Hera answered. She looked back and offered him a small smile. “And I really do need to contact Fulcrum.”

“Another time, then.”

Shaking her head, Hera left the room, leaving an all too pleased with himself Kanan to clean up.

┉

“I did a lot better this time,” Ezra said as he led Kanan through the corridors of the ship. They were each carrying a crate of empty bantha milk cartons (one crate filled with cartons that have been sliced in half). “I hit a bunch more of the cartons!”

“You did great, kid,” Kanan said. He gently pushed Ezra forward when he slowed down to grin openly at the compliment. “Maybe we’ll try with a blindfold next time.”

“You’re going to get Chopper to throw things at me when I can’t see?” Ezra asked, skepticism clear in his voice.

Kanan chuckled. They made their way into the common area to drop off the crates. Hera, who had been walking into the galley with her hands full with dishes from her finished meal, offered them a quick look before disappearing behind the door. “Just the milk cartons. You haven’t quite graduated to Chopper shooting you blindfolded.”

Ezra shrugged and placed his crate down next to the table. He muttered something under his breath that Kanan could have sworn sounded like “I could take him”.

“Hey, either of you want some water?” Hera asked. The door to the galley was open again. She was leaning out slightly and Kanan saw cups next to the sink. Kanan nodded as Ezra shook his head. Hera then came out a moment later with a cup, handing it over.

After placing his crate next to the other, Kanan took a drink and sat on the table.

“Where’s Sabine?” Ezra asked. He bounced a couple times on his feet, waiting for an answer.

“Try her cabin, though I think she said she wanted to go on a walk soon,” Hera replied. “You can probably catch up to her even if she’s already left.”

“A walk…” Ezra muttered as he headed out. Before he left the room, his face lit up and he shouted back, “Thanks, Hera!”

“Remember we’re going to be meditating later tonight!” Kanan called after him, leaning forward for what little good it did.

Hera came up beside him and placed a hand on his shoulder, smiling. “I don’t think he heard you.”

“I don’t think I liked that look on his face.”

She patted his shoulder. Kanan let out a sigh and took another drink of his water. He looked up to see Hera looking him over. He raised an eyebrow at her.

“What’s on your mind, love?”

“Who says there’s anything on my mind? It’s pretty empty up there.”

Rolling her eyes, Hera said, “Kanan.”

He let out another sigh and leaned back on the table. “Hmmm. Just thinking about how far Ezra has come. I’m proud of him. He’s come a really long way in such a short period of time,” Kanan said slowly. He let a low laugh. “Sometimes I think he’s going to jump too far ahead and I won’t be able to keep up. He’s doing great.”

“You’ll manage, you haven’t let him down yet,” Hera said. She sat down next to him, her hand resting just behind him. He was very aware of every point they were touching, and every point they almost were. “You’ll do right by him.”

“We all will. I never thought our little family was missing anything, but now that Ezra is here,” Kanan said. He smiled at Hera before continuing. “He’s a good fit.”

“We’ve certainly grown as a group, haven’t we?” Hera stated. She looked around the room, a faint smile tugging on her lips.

Kanan shifted. He sat up straight and looked her over. He thought hard on his next words. How could he tell Hera that all of this: their family, their lives, their futures, were all thanks to her? She had to know on some level, he had said as much about just himself before (and more than a few times, too). Without her they’d all still be wandering the galaxy lost. Living but barely alive.

Instead, he went with, “I’ve probably grown the most.” He leaned back again and hitched a leg up, his foot just touching Hera’s knee. “I was practically living in the trash when we met.”

Hera grimaced, the memories of Gorse seemed to be coming back to her. Kanan grinned and pushed his toes against her. “You don’t need to remind me, dear,” she said and playfully shoved his foot away from her. She eyed him before adding: “I wish I could forget.”

“Ah, but then you wouldn’t know how far I’ve come. How bearable as person I am now,” he said. “I’ve achieved a lot, you should be proud.”

She looked him over and smiled. “I am proud of you,” she said. There was no joking in her voice, the energy in the room had shifted. Like he always thought, the galaxy seemed to bend at Hera’s will. She didn’t need the Force to make the impossible happen. Hera could just do it.

He leaned over, taking her chin in his hand, and guide her face closer to him. He heard her breath catch for a moment but escape as he gently brushed his lips against her cheek.

Pulling back, Kanan said, “Thank you, Hera. For everything.”

┉

The _Liberator_ was as uncomfortable to him as ever; Kanan knew that he was never going to be completely okay being on these ships. While he was coming around to Hera’s big picture, it didn’t mean he liked being a part of this military life. He was never going to want to be a part of that again. But Hera was needed for a briefing and she still wasn’t at a hundred percent yet, so he had tagged along.

She had initially been excited when he had agreed to tag along, Hera was always glad when Kanan showed any interest in stepping up when it came to their work with the Rebellion. Her excitement hadn’t lasted long, though. She had figured out quick that he was just keeping an eye on her. Kanan understood her frustrations but she had only just started walking around again a week ago, he wanted to know she was okay. So he was hovering. And Hera reluctantly was letting him.

The briefing was short. Just a catch up for Hera, really. Sato wasn’t going to let her go out on any “physically strenuous” missions, as he stated it. Kanan was glad to not be the one telling Hera no for once. At least Sato had rank on her, she wouldn’t talk back over this, and Kanan would always get an earful if he tried this.

Kanan was also grateful that there was someone who could order her to take the time to heal. Seeing her broken in the A-wing cockpit had almost destroyed him. She was fine now, she always was in the end, but he was still having some trouble shaking the feeling when he thought he’d lost her. Hera needed to heal, but so did he. They needed that time.

Hera wasn’t talking on their way back to the _Ghost_. No surprise there. Kanan didn’t try to get anything out of her. He was fine letting Hera deal with this how she needed to. He understood how hard it was for her sit back, even for a week, even if it was necessary.

They passed a chatting group of men as they neared the airlock. Kanan and Hera stepped to the side, Hera returning the salute while Kanan offered a nod and weak smile, before getting to the hatchway that would lead to their home. With the codes punched in, the hatchway opened up. Kanan made his way in first. There was a lip to step over and as Hera made to follow, Kanan reached out almost instinctively to help her over. She had barely wobbled but he couldn’t help himself, anything he could do to help her he would.

His hand was on her lower back as she stepped next to him. Hera looked up at him and frowned, taking a step away.

“Kanan, this isn’t the time or place for that,” she said, her voice tight and filled with authority. She moved ahead into her ship, leaving a very confused Kanan behind.

Only for a moment.

He jogged to catch up to her and followed her through the _Ghost_. Once they were outside of their cabins, and as Hera started to make her way to the cockpit, Kanan grabbed her shoulder. She looked back with an eyebrow raised.

“What did you mean?” he asked. Kanan crossed his arms, he wasn’t sure if he was doing it to put a barrier up for protection against her answer or if he was just nervous. Maybe he was just worried about questioning her after she had had a long day.

She turned face him, one hand on her hip. “What are you talking about?”

“‘This isn’t the time or place’, what did you mean by that?” he asked. He shrugged his shoulders this time, to give it a sense of ease. He wasn’t feeling that at all but Kanan hoped he could at least come across that way.

“You put your hand on my back, it was inappropriate,” she answered, as if that cleared everything up.

He opened and closed his mouth a few times trying to think of what to say. Finally he got out, “I was just helping you stay steady on your feet. That’s it.”

Giving him a skeptical look, Hera sighed. “I understand. But Kanan, we’re a part of something bigger,” she said. “We can’t be so familiar with each other now, not with Sato’s men looking up to us. You can’t… We can’t be like that anymore. Not while we’re with Phoenix Squadron.”

“Oh.”

He should have known. Hera was always the professional. Often, when he wasn’t at his best, he felt as though there was never going to be room for him in her fight against the Empire. That they had had their run and though it had been good, it was over. There was the vague promise of some day but the years kept adding up. Kanan could admit that occasionally he felt like they never stood a chance to grow old together.

“Kanan,” Hera said. She took a step closer to him, looking up.

Shaking his head, he said, “It’s fine. You know I respect the boundaries you have in—Ah!” He snapped his fingers and pointed at her.

She raised her brows, surprised by the sudden shift. Though on the inside, Kanan still felt the hurt and lose of the reconfirmation of where they stood together as Not A Couple, he had found something a little easier to focus on.

“What is it?” Hera asked.

“That explains it.”

She sighed and waited. He could tell she was getting tired of this conversation, or maybe she was just tired in general.

“Why you don’t call me ‘love’ and ‘dear’ anymore. Not even in front of just the kids,” he explained. _Not even when we’re alone._

This time it was Hera who opened and closed her mouth as she searched for the words. He hadn’t meant to stump her; he just wanted to move the conversation away from how he was feeling.

But then Hera reached out and squeezed his arm. “This isn’t the time,” she said gently. She offered a smile before turning to head to the cockpit.

Kanan watched her leave before letting out the breath he seemed to have been holding. This wasn’t the time. He knew that. He wasn’t going to push her, he didn’t want to. He was fine waiting for her. One day they were going to get to have the life they wanted.

But when would that be?

┉

Everything was dark.

His eyes were closed but Kanan knew it wouldn’t make a difference to open them anymore.

Everything was dark.

Time had past. Malachor was now behind them, at least physically. He could still feel its grasp on him. He would wake up in the middle of the night, the flash of a red lightsaber pulling him from the light of his dreams to the darkness of his reality.

He was kneeling of his meditation stool. He wasn’t meditating. Or maybe he was. Kanan wasn’t thinking about much in particular but he didn’t feel anything either. He wasn’t ready to immerse himself completely in the Force, what if he saw more than he was ready for? What if he saw nothing?

If he was being honest with himself, Kanan wasn’t sure what he was ready for anymore. He wasn’t sure of anything.

Except that everything was dark now.

A knock on the door made him jump. He hadn’t noticed whoever it was coming to his room. He had no idea who it was. Suddenly Kanan felt the crippling loneliness that haunted him throughout his life start to creep in. He felt isolated in his new world.

“Kanan?” It was Hera. Her voice sounded so far away. “I have some food here if you’re hungry.”

He debated between making his way to the door to let her in or just calling to her. Which would she prefer? He couldn’t turn her away. Not this time. Kanan had learned quickly once he was back on the _Ghost_ that if he tried to shut everyone out completely it would lead to Hera and the others (not Ezra) not giving him any space at all. They’d hover and watch and cling to him, ensuring he was being taken care of. They were making sure he’d heal. So he let them, if only to be alone. And now, at least physically, he was as healed as he’d ever be. Maybe he was as healed as he wanted to be.

“Come in,” he called. He jumped again slightly as the hatchway opened up, still not used to how everything sounded.

“Where should I put this?” Hera asked. She was near him now. Almost in front of him. Closer than she would normally be on a given day.

They hadn’t touched in weeks. Everyone was so cautious around him, trying to let him figure out how to move around on his own. But now the casual touches between them were completely gone. It felt as if Hera was afraid that if she’d touch him he’d break. Kanan wasn’t so sure she was wrong.

“The seat is fine. Near me, so I can find it,” he said, gesturing in the direction of the cushioned seat. It had become more of a bed lately, climbing to top bunk had proved to be too much during the first month and now he was just used to sleeping under it, though occasionally he’d make it to the actual bed. On good days. Maybe today would turn into a good day.

The tray had been placed down but it didn’t sound like Hera had made to leave. Kanan shifted on his seat, bringing his legs out from under him. He didn’t like the silence when she was here; he had no idea what she was doing in it.

“Has it been helpful to wear?” she asked.

It took him maybe too long to realize what she was talking about. Then he remembered that the day before he had thrown the mask Sabine had given him a week or so ago. He was frustrated and angry and had no way to express it. So her gift took the brunt of his anger. He hadn’t been sure where it had landed. He wasn’t sure where she had found it.

“It helps everyone else,” Kanan answered. He wasn’t going to tell her he appreciated that the mask hid him away. That when he left his cabin and left the ship, he knew that no one could see what he had become. “That’s something.”

Silence again.

It had mostly stopped eating away at him when he realized it was easier to just accept it the darkness and silence around him. He knew he’d never see again. He knew that his life was completely different now, beyond repair. There was no going back to how things were. The hero he desperately wanted to be for everyone died on Malachor, leaving a shell of the Jedi of old behind. Kanan would survive like he always did. But he was never going to be who he had been.

“What did you bring? The food?” Kanan asked. It wasn’t the silence that bothered him, making him break it. He just didn’t want Hera to be stuck in it with him. He was broken now and she didn’t need to be dragged into that, too.

“Just the usual. The waffles, bantha milk,” she said. She sounded both closer and further away. He could tell she had moved near him but something in her voice made it sound only physical. He resisted reaching out to know where she was. How close she was letting herself be to him. Maybe then she could truly be close again. “You could eat with us.”

“Next time.” It was all he could offer her.

They didn’t know how to talk to each other anymore. The first few weeks, Hera was by his side as much as she could be. Holding him when it got to be too much. Talking to him so he knew he wasn’t alone. She was there for him. But Kanan realized that this wasn’t something even Hera could fix so he pulled away. He didn’t want her to waste her time on him. And now they didn’t know how to find each other again.

“Is everything with Phoenix Squadron going well?” He could try, maybe just a little, for her.

“Yes.”

“Good.”

Kanan heard the sound of her pants rubbing together as she moved. Moving closer to him. He could feel that her feet were barely touching his; she seemed to have stopped right in front of him. He turned his head up to where he remembered her face should be.

“Hera?”

“Whatever you need…” she started. He thought he could feel her starting to reach out to him but he knew he was just imagining it. He knew couldn’t feel anything. “You know that I…”

She was so close and all he had to do was lift a hand. If he did, Kanan was sure she’d understand. They could reach out to each other, grab hold, and be together again. It would be so easy. They were both there. They could both be there. All he had to do was try.

Footsteps. Whatever it was that Hera was going to say was lost now. She was making her way out of the room. Another failed attempt, and Kanan knew who the failure was. It was always him.

“Hera…” he said. The hatchway opened and he assumed she hadn’t heard him. The sound of it closing didn’t reach his ears, however. She was waiting. Waiting for him. He just needed to start talking. Move to her. Wrap her up in his arms and whisper all his apologies to her. It should be so easy. This was Hera. She was always there. She could always lift him back up on his feet. He just had to let her.

“I’ll try and eat with everyone tomorrow.”

The hatchway closed.

Everything was dark.

┉

The setting sun was hitting his back, warming Kanan for a last moment before he made his way onto the _Ghost_. The inside of the ship was comfortable but he missed the sun’s warmth immediately. Other than his internal clock and _knowing_ what time of day it was, the sun was one of his main indicators of time. Inside a ship stripped him of that valuable source.

As days on the rebel base went, this had been a quiet one. Everyone had had a task. Everyone had been on the base for once. Pilots were all practicing, officers going over the plans and information that they already had. And Kanan had had the chance to get actual training in with Ezra.

They were able to sneak away for the day, and it was much needed. They were both still recovering from Dathomir. Two weeks behind them but they could both still feel it lingering. Kanan had almost invited Sabine to join them; you didn’t need the Force to meditate, but decided against it. She dealt with things in her own way, she’d reach out if she needed too. Ezra needed someone to reach out to him.

Kanan made his way through the ship. Chopper passed him and grumbled something about Hera not eating. Shaking his head, he kept on the path he was on. He was planning to check in with Hera before getting food and now it seemed like it was necessary.

He walked into the cockpit and found a very focused Hera; she probably assumed that he was just Chopper coming back to annoy her. She didn’t give any sign of knowing he was there. Her focus was palpable.

“How has your day been?” Kanan asked as he moved closer. He heard Hera let out a small gasp in surprise before she turned to face him. He moved into the co-pilot’s seat and took his mask off, resting it in his lap. “Ezra and I headed out before you were up, I missed you this morning.”

Her seat squeaked as she turned back to whatever she had been doing as he had entered. “It was a fairly standard day. A mix of everything,” Hera replied.

“Well, is your mix of everything over now?” he asked, offering his best smile. “Because I’m going to go eat now and I could really use some company.”

“Where are the kids?” Not the response he was looking for. She must not have been looking at him, completely missing his smile. His hopes.

“Eating with the rest of base. I think they wanted a change of scene,” he said. Kanan reached over and ghosted his fingers up her arm. She shifted as he did, pulling herself away. “Which leaves me without eating companions.”

Hera sighed. Not a sigh of acceptance. Not even a sigh that let him know he was being too forward. Her sigh held… regret. Just a sliver of it, but after so many years together Kanan was able to pick up on it immediately. She turned her chair back to him and he sat up straight, his hand coming back to him. He rested it on his mask and waited for her to say something.

“I can’t, Kanan, I’m sorry.” Her voice sounded so heavy. Kanan had forgotten that in a ‘fairly standard’ day, Hera would be doing far more than she should be, not taking the breaks she needed. They didn’t spend any time together anymore; other details about her were slipping from his mind. Details he couldn’t see anymore. “I have to finish up this report for Commander Sato and the others in command. Then I have to prep for a meeting with Sato in an hour; something tells me that we’re going to be on a mission soon. Which mean I have to run diagnostic on the _Ghost_ so that if we are going, we’re set. I have to prepare the next week’s worth of training for the pilots, not to mention I have to—”

“Hera,” Kanan said, cutting her off. He reached over again and took her hands in his. “It’s okay.” He squeezed gently, enjoying the feel of her gloves against his fingertips before pulling back.

She didn’t say anything but he thought that maybe she nodded her head ever so slightly, like he had seen her do in the past. They sat together in silence for only a minute but to Kanan it felt like so much longer. A minute alone together could be an eternity. So precious and over too soon, but he would make it last.

“We’ll get another chance. We do have to eat every day,” he said, drawing at the last few words. He raised an eyebrow at her and she laughed. Hera was smart, she picked up that he knew that she probably hadn’t eaten enough today.

He sat back, thinking about what he would do now. He thought that maybe he’d sit with her for a while, give her some company before getting something to eat. He would definitely make enough for two; she was going to be hungry eventually. Then maybe he’d get some training in alone, figure out a new lesson to give Ezra. He’d find a way to busy himself alone.

“If you bring me food here, we can eat now. While I work,” Hera offered, breaking his thought process. “As long as it’s quick.”

“We live off of rations, Hera. All I can make you is quick.”

“Then get to it,” she said and nudged his shin with her foot.

A short laugh escaped his lips as he stood up, putting his mask back on. He started to head out of the cockpit and thought of how he could make something a bit more interesting for them to eat in a different life. Maybe once this war was over, he could brush up on the basic cooking skills he acquired over the years. Get Hera to help him, make sure he didn’t burn anything from his lack of practice.

“And Kanan?”

He stopped in the hatchway, turning back to her. His eyebrows were raised even if she couldn’t see.

“Thank you, for understanding.”

Shaking his head, he smiled and headed for the galley.

┉

The _Ghost_ was surprisingly quiet given how many people were now onboard. It felt like wherever there was room, an exhausted rebel was crammed in, trying to deal with the loss they had just survived. And they had survived. Everywhere was quiet yet filled with energy.

Kanan was surprised that he and Hera found a secluded area of the ship together. He was surprised they had had the time to. Not that this had been planned. They hadn’t had the chance to talk since escaping Atollon.

See, they were both busy immediately. Checking to make sure they weren’t followed and ensuring they wouldn’t be. Contacting the Wren clan to thank them and plan the next course of action. Checking on the rebel survivors, making sure they were safe.

And then Kanan had to see Ezra. He knew his padawan would be feeling the loss of this battle, even though they all fought so hard. He would offer whatever wisdom he could, the little he had left to give. And Hera had to contact rebel command. Sabine’s people needed help and the best option for that would be Ezra and him to go.

Hera had taken longer than Kanan; Mon Mothma was not easily convinced into letting the only two Jedi involved with the rebellion to run off to Mandalore. But Hera was convincing. So then it was time to prep to leave. Once they dropped out of hyperspace and before the small band of rebels made the final jump to Yavin IV, Kanan and Ezra, and Chopper, were going to follow Sabine to Krownest in the Gauntlet and fight with Mandalore.

They were going to part ways willingly for the first time in a long time. Malachor had been the last time Kanan thought they wouldn’t see each other for a while. At least this time there wasn’t a sense of dread hanging over him. There was a sense of purpose and hope.

He still didn’t want to say goodbye.

Kanan had found her at the airlock. No one else was around, everyone off somewhere on the ship doing something, getting ready for the next moment. Neither of them spoke when he made his way over to her. She probably had some reason to offer for why she was here and not in the centre directing everyone. She didn’t need it with him.

They stood across from each other, facing up to the hatchway to the rest of the ship. He was leaning against the bulkhead as Hera shifted her weight from one foot to the other one. The quiet around them felt almost unnatural after everything they had been through. Not uncomfortable, though. It was just a noticeable change. It hung in the air, only interrupted by a muted clanking sound from somewhere else on the _Ghost_.

The weight of the day was starting to settle on his shoulders. So much was lost. There was so much more they could have lost. Kanan felt the terror, he should have felt in the moment, from the threats from Thrawn and from the Bendu, now mixing together. Hera could have lost him so many times this day and it would have been his fault. It always felt like it was his fault. How many more times was he going to put her through an almost? How many until it wasn’t an almost?

He wasn’t sure how long they had been standing there, neither one knowing what to say or if there was anything that needed to be said in the first place. They didn’t need words to know each other, time together had given them complete understanding.

And time was what they needed now. Time to just be together. They both knew they didn’t have a lot of time left.

He sensed her take a step towards him, or maybe he just heard her foot hit the floor. He turned to face her, his arms crossed in front of him from when he had settled in to stand with her. Hera took another step and he let his arms drop. Was the day finally catching up to her? Was she letting it?

Her third step was taken and brought her right in front of him. Before either of them could assess what to do next, what they would allow to happen next, the jerk of the _Ghost_ dropping from hyperspace tugged at them, breaking the spell around them.

Letting out a sigh, Kanan pushed himself off the bulkhead. “I should getting going,” he said.

He took a couple steps before he felt Hera grab his arm and pulling him back to her. Her arms wrapped around him, his immediately moved to envelop her, and pressed herself against him. He could feel that she was shaking. So the day had caught up to her. Her exhaustion and relief and grief were coursing through her and he could feel it all.

Kanan tightened arms and tried to bring her in even closer. He wanted her to know that he was always going to be there for her, to protect her as best he could. To love her completely. If he could, if the Force had the ability to give to the Jedi, Kanan would freeze the galaxy so that she would never go a second without feeling that.

But he didn’t have that ability. It didn’t exist. So they pulled apart, their time to be together over, for now. Though, Hera didn’t let go completely.

“Come back to me, love.”

It took all of Kanan’s strength to not wrap himself up in her hold again. Instead, he leaned forward and pressed his lips against her forehead, cupping one cheek with a gentle hand. As he pulled away, he whispered, “Always.”

He didn’t need to say goodbye. _They_ didn't need to say goodbye. Kanan would always find his way back to her. The galaxy had thrown everything it could at them and they had done more than just survive it. They lived. Year to year they lived. They both found the love they needed and gave what love they could. They had made a family together, unintentional but so beyond perfect.

Through all the years together, Kanan had a home.

He had a home to fight for again.

┉

**Author's Note:**

> EDIT: I've gone and added a change to then end of the fifth section, their break up, in light of what we learned in Jedi Night. The end of the conversation I had written had always felt a little off to me and I couldn't place why. But now thanks to that episode, I know why. I'm glad I knew something was up even if I didn't know what, nice to know I understand the characters well even when missing info about them. And I'm glad I can fix this.


End file.
